Twice divorced. In her 40s. With no prospects or title.

While none of these traits would (nor should) trigger any dismay today, in the 1930s, they absolutely did—especially when it came to the British monarchy.

And yet, a woman with all of these characteristics enamored King Edward VIII so much that in 1936, he abdicated the throne so they could get married.

This woman’s name was Wallis Simpson.

The American who single-handedly scandalized British aristocracy when Eddie fell head over heels for her. I mean, look at this man’s smile. 

Now, these two lovebirds are far from role models—they were likely Nazi sympathizers, for crying out loud.

But if you watch as many true crime documentaries as I do, you know full well that evil people can also be very interesting.

And the reason why Wallis is interesting for us comes down to the rumor that circulated amongst the royals when her romance with Eddie was blooming. The rumor that explained, at least in people’s minds at the time, how she had such a stronghold on this man. The rumor that you can hear actress Helena Bonham Carter mention in “The King’s Speech” at minute 58:14:

That Wallis Simpson was a vaginal Olympic gymnast.

Puts a whole new meaning to our boy Eddie’s grin in that picture, doesn’t it?

Let’s explore if there’s any validity to the claim that Wallis knew pompoir, and that she used her talents to somehow wrap this man around her finger.

Or rather, wrap herself around him—if you get my gist.

Eddie certainly seems to.

Did Wallis Simpson know Pompoir?

Let’s make one thing clear: there were several rumors flying around this controversial figure during her relationship with Edward.

As British biographer Anne Sebba puts it, “there were sound reasons why the royal family needed to demonise Wallis”.

The royals feared that the king would bring shame to the throne by marrying ‘That Woman’ (as her sister-in-law nicknamed her), or worse—what actually ended up happening: Edward renouncing his duties to be with her.

So suffice to say that the idea of Wallis as a promiscuous and – God forbid – sexually liberated woman was biased, at best. 

But let’s get to the story that whispered its way through the corridors of Buckingham Palace. Where did Wallis’ alleged “sexual prowess” come from?

As her affair with the then Prince of Wales became serious, it is said that the British Intelligence Service (MI6) compiled a dossier on Wallis at the request of Queen Mary and prime minister Stanley Baldwin.

This file was later known as the ‘China dossier’, as it primarily included stories from Wallis’ time in Hong Kong, Shanghai, and Beijing.

Wallis first arrived in Asia in 1924 to meet her then husband, Win, who was serving as commander of gunboat Pampanga in Hong Kong.

Her relationship with Win was tumultuous, as he was an alcoholic with violent tendencies who allegedly took Wallis along to his brothel visits, where he’d kiss and grope prostitutes in front of his wife. 

This is where Wallis is believed to have first witnessed various forms of exotic sexual practices.

Erotic massages, sensual dances, and the skill that was most mentioned at British cocktail parties: the Chinese Clench.

Yep – the biggest piece of gossip at the time was that Wallis was able to squeeze her vaginal walls together so tightly that she could ‘make a matchstick feel like a Havana cigar’. And that this was the skill that made Edward broadcast from Windsor Castle that he could no longer be king “without the woman he loved”.

This idea of her extraordinary vaginal abilities was reinforced by the fact that after she ended things with Win, Wallis escaped to Shanghai, where, as she herself put it:

“Life was good, very good, and, in fact, almost too good for a woman”.

At the time, it was unthinkable that a single woman would spend so much time alone in a foreign country. What’s more, Wallis wasn’t shy about calling her time in China her “Lotus Year,” where she perfected her social skills, attended fashionable parties, and had the time of her life.

This, my goddesses, is as much as we know. And while it’s not a lot – it certainly is one of the biggest accounts of Pompoir we have in recent history.

Now—is it true? Who’s to say.

While the vaginal gymnastics skills we teach here at Gohddess feel absolutely amazing (both for the giver and the lucky, lucky receiver), it would be far-fetched to say that they’re the only reason a man would fall in love.

After all, Wallis was not only allegedly a skillful vaginal goddess, but also a charming woman, with a witty sense of humor, and the sort of confidence that comes from experience and living alone in a foreign country.

Probably the complete opposite of the monotonous, ceremonial way of living that awaited Edward had he not abdicated.